Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men


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Heterosexual and gay men can heal and grow as a result of their friendships.

But along with cultural differences, such as language, food, spirituality, traditions, and habits, can be cultural differences about money. Just ask a scholar in feminist studies if that statement is true. Unlike straight couples, who up until relatively recently had the monopoly on legal recognition of their relationships before domestic partnerships and marriage equality laws , gay men were treated by the law as two unrelated individuals under one roof, especially for legal and tax purposes.

They are more likely to have joint bank accounts, joint tax filing, and automatic rights of survivorship on everything from ks to Social Security survivor benefits — and they have for generations. Sex — Gay male couples tend to approach sex differently. We all know that gay male couples are much more likely to entertain the idea of, or even be in, a non-monogamous relationship.

Things Not To Say To Gay People

So, part of my job in couples counseling is to help gay men understand this, and to avoid making direct comparisons to straight relationships all the time some of the time is OK, particularly in confronting double-standards and internalized homophobia. While this is not necessarily unique to gay men, a big factor can be finding time for sex, when often both partners are busy, high-level executives or professionals who work extraordinarily long hours or have jobs that require frequent travel.

Household Chores — Perhaps surprisingly to a non-clinician, the issue of how to equitably and fairly divide the list of common household chores can be frequent topic in conjoint therapy.


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While modern straight couples sometimes like to pretend that they are oh-so-liberated, in reality, in many or most cases, the woman is subtly expected to, and ends up doing, the majority of the household chores related to keeping things clean, organized, in good repair, supplied, delivered, monitored, and humming along in a domestic household. In couples counseling, I generally recommend that a Master List of Required Household Chores be written down, which is exhaustive and comprehensive. Who pays the bills?

Who does the cleaning? Or, who supervises the cleaning? Who mows the lawn? Or, who pays the gardener to mow the lawn? Who supervises the gardener? Who changes the light bulbs? Who cooks? Who cleans up? Who grocery shops? Who picks up the dry cleaning? Often, making a list and then discussing how to divide it can be a discussion at home, or in session. Gay male relationships where there is a parenting factor involved differ from straight relationships mostly in that same-sex parenting needs extra support.

Family — In gay male relationships, the role of one of the male partners in taking care of aging parents can be an issue, similar to straight couples. Fortunately, for most of the gay couples I have worked with, there have been surprisingly few seriously hostile in-law conflicts. More often, the son-in-law is treated as a full member of the family, which is a nice thing to be able to say about the current times we live in. Fun — Fortunately, one huge and consistent benefit I have observed in gay male relationships over straight ones is that gay couples consistently demonstrate a youthfulness, playfulness, and sense of fun, especially with peers but also alone with each other.

How to Flirt

While this is common to affluent gay male couples, even middle class or working class gay couples seem to have an extra sense of discovering fun, creative pastimes. Men are physically larger than women, so they can go through a lot of alcohol and food at events hence the stories of the first all-gay cruises running out of alcohol on board!

Things You Shouldn't Ask Gay People | Teen Vogue

A friend of mine once said that he believed gay men had particularly-evolved critical thinking skills. How many do you see very regularly? Do you like gay boys, or do you like the idea of the stereotypical gay male playing dress-up with you and giving you love advice? Your love of Broadway and your obsession with Lady Gaga does not make you a gay man. This puts pressure on plenty of boys who do not find themselves naturally interested in those topics to "perform. Though some of us will gladly do so if you ask politely and return the favor.

The last graf doubly applies to your boyfriend. Fix him up yourself.

This is asinine on many levels. Open your eyes! Not every gay guy has seen Clueless or The Sound of Music. Why am I just a gay best friend? Why am I oddly inserted into another category of "friend" because of my sexual orientation? Do I call you my "straight" best friend? I have certainly never been asked this question before, but I do know a few guys who have. By Lauren Rearick.

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    Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men Your Gay Friends Guide To Understanding Men

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